I have finally reached the end of the Civil War.

We won!

Worked like a fiend this week; managed to do 20,000 words on the history book (plus the research that goes into this sort of thing). It's not very funny yet - some of this stuff is easy to be funny about (Chester A. Arthur, I'm looking at you) and some of it (labor unrest, civil war) just isn't. Others, like tariffs and panics and the gold standard, are actually comically dull. But I have to save up most of my best "so boring its funny" jokes for the Teapot Dome Scandal. I have not yet figured out whether Hayes was actually cross-eyed or just had a real talent for looking confused. But I'll get it all fixed. It'll be informative and hi-larious by the time I'm done with it.

In the middle of that, I managed to write and record a theme song from a rockabilly radio show that I guess will be debuting in Georgia soon. AND did some world-class sneaking to get a look at Batman and all his toys. AND kept myself from getting an iphone. For now.

And now, following a tour tonight, I will crash.

Til tomorrow, anyway.

While working on the book, I came across something I didn't know: there are conflicting accounts as to exactly what John Wilkes Booth said when he jumped onto the stage after shooting Abraham Lincoln. I had always heard that he said "Sic Semper Tyranis," but other accounts apparently have him saying "the south shall live," or words to that affect.

Personally, I think it had to be "sic semper tyranis," simply on the grounds that if he hadn't said it, I can't imagine how anyone would have pulled it out of their ass. I can imagine him saying something in Latin and getting people confused, though.

SCENARIO A:

Booth: Sic semper tyranis!
Patron A: What in the hell did he just say? Was that even in English?
Patron B: I don't know. Probably something about the south, huh?
Patron A: Yeah, that's it. The south shall live. That was it.

SCENARIO B:

Booth: The south shall live!
Patron A: What? Did you catch that?
Patron B: He said 'thus to all tyrants.'
Patron A: No, it didn't sound like that...
Patron B: well, he said it in latin.
Patron A: Oh. Well, I'll take your word for it (turning to patron C)...Did YOU catch that?

Back to working on the Smartass Guide to History. I'm glazing over the early 19th century and about to get into the particularly rough chore of the Civil War, a subject on which no two historians seem to be able to agree on anything. Just saying that slavery was a cause is opening myself up to a LOT of nasty letters. So i probably won't get into the causes (though i may include some of the long list of quotes from the major players saying that the central issue was slavery in a sidebar or inset).

Headed downtown early this morning to see if I could weasle my way into being an extra on the Batman set at Navy Pier (nope!) and to check out all the City of Gotham police and bomb squad gear on the Wabash Street bridge - neat stuff. I enjoy living in Gotham. Only things on my "things to see" checklist remaining are a Gotham can and the Joker.

It was a good six or seven months ago that I set up some high padded shelves for my cat, but, at the time, I couldn't get him to stay up there for more than a minute for any amount of catnip. However, it seems that he's finally taken to it. He spent half the day sleeping up there yesterday, and got back up there this morning.

Now that the deals were finalized on the two middle grade books and the nonfiction, I can talk about them a bit more openly. I am so excited that I bought green cookware! I've always like avocado green, harvest gold, and sunburst orange cookware. Now I finally have some.

So, projects:

1. PIRATES OF THE RETAIL WASTELAND - finalized, out February 08
2. I PUT A SPELL ON YOU - Spelling bee satire (based on watergate). Written and turned in, not yet revised. Fall 08, I think.
3. I PUT A SPELL ON YOU, ALSO - sequel to above. About 2/3rds written. Out Fall 09, I imagine
4. LOST AND FOUND - middle grade book that sold this week! I think this may also be Fall 09
5. LOST AND FOUND 2 - sequel to above, out sometime later
6. THE SMARTASS GUIDE TO US HISTORY (tentative title at best) - in research stage. I think it'll be out in 2010.
7. Top secret YA project - offers are on the table, but it'll probably be out under another name. Readers with a copy of the book and a decent search engine will probably be able to figure it out, though.

Meanwhile, I'm working on the graphic novel based on "Pushing Cheerleaders Down the Stairs," and I have ideas for a couple more books in the Leon series at some point.

THe history book is going to be fun, because there really aren't a lot of rules in the teen nonfiction market. There aren't many books IN the genre that aren't about Your Changing Body. I figure I should really have something on that subject in the book, though. Maybe I'll use the Civil War as a metaphor for Puberty. The country was getting to about that age, and things WERE getting hairy in the southern regions...

Mitt Romney picks the HENRY FORD MUSEUM as the place to make the speech to launch his campaign? I mean, the biggest moment of your political life, and you pick the old house of a guy who was among the loudest anti-semites of his day? This is WAY worse than Biden's bad, bad choice of words. WIth Biden, one could see what he meant (though a professional politician should have known better, anyway). Does he somehow not KNOW that Ford was honored by freakin' HITLER? Now, normally, I think that a standard rule of debate is that the first one to bring up Hitler loses the argument, but I think it's okay in this point.

Oh, I'm ripping Henry Ford a new one in my smartass guide to US History.

Projects for today:


- Beseech the merciful Benjamin Franklin, o wise inventor of the stove, to watch over the proposal for my NF book, which goes out today.

- Start a last read-through/edit of "Pirates of the Retail Wasteland."

- Film some footage for the video to "Your Neighborhood Gives Me the Creeps," which I hope to have online by the end of the week.

- Pay the rent.